The majority of the characters Tillothama Shome has essayed over the past two decades have invariably been on the “right side” of the moral spectrum. The actor made a confident debut as Alice in Monsoon Wedding, a light-hearted yet nuanced take on the intricacies of an Indian wedding and progressed with Sir, which looks at romance through the lense of class difference, and Chintu Ka Birthday, that examines the power of love and compassion in the times of war. Tillothama’s constant strength through all these characters has been her ability to portray vulnerability. When she makes a striking entrance with a hammer as a serial killer who preys on the vulnerable in the second season of Delhi Crime, that precise moment doubles up as a shocking reveal—both in the show, by making us privy to a notorious character for the first time, and Tillothama’s acting prowess, by presenting a side of the actor barely seen in her filmography hitherto.
Tillothama admits that it was a new experience taking a detour from the kind of characters she is popular for playing. And the roots for the performance lie deep and scattered over different phases of her life. She brings a deeply philosophical and political perspective while elaborating on how she perceived the dark character in her mind. “It was really nice to find the universal humanity that exists in all of us, especially in those who are considered criminals. I mean, one doesn’t have to be a criminal psychologist to understand that the country and the state punish criminals often for their own neglect,” she says, before dropping a strong statement. “It is the failure of the country in doing its duty to the citizen that leads to crimes being committed because someone doesn’t have food, access to healthcare, and basic rights; these factors lead them to the crime. it is not just moral perversion or a disease that pushes them to commit a crime; it is often situational. And yet, we don’t suspend our moral judgment, right? We still morally judge the criminal and believe we are superior,” she says.
Tillothama worked in a high-security prison on Rikers Island for two years after graduating in from a university in New York and she attributes this period to many personal discoveries, including those that have eventually contributed to her portrayal in Delhi Crime. “I learned many things about myself while working there, with one of the most important things being: the line between being sane and being insane is thin and porous, and something in your environment can trigger you to lunge from one side to the other. The line between guilty and innocent is even thinner,” Tillothama says, adding that she was intrigued about the criminals and their stories that landed them in the prison. “I questioned what horrible events must have propelled them to commit some unimaginable crimes. I know that things don’t just happen without a reason. After the crime is committed, what do the healing and rehabilitation look like? It is the classic crime and punishment question but what kind of punishment would eventually create a fairer world?”
Tillothama herself is no stranger to essaying humans whose lives are jeopardised or strongly affected by the world around them. In the wonderfully humane Quissa, set right after the Partition of India in 1947, she plays Kanwar Singh, a girl raised as a boy, who discovers her inner femininity. In the 2014 film, Children of War, a blood-soaked documentation of war crimes that transpired during the 1971 Bangladesh Liberation War, she plays Bhitika, a woman imprisoned in a ramp camp who slowly gathers strength to seek freedom. The harshness of reality has been a constant throughout her art, and her experience of working in a high-security prison on Rikers Island for two years, she says, led to many personal discoveries.
The actor realises that the conversation has entered a rather dark and contemplative territory, and alleviates the seriousness with a hopeful note. “A loving, supportive environment can you bring back from insanity to sanity. The idea of remorse and repentance emerge from being treated as a human being.”
It is clear that Tillothama has assimilated observations and ponderings into her portrayal of Lata Solanki in Delhi Crime. Lata is vile but driven by desire and ambition. Tillothama’s words about cause and effect befit her story. “While portraying her character, my main focus was on the psyche that is instigating these crimes. Yes, the gruesomeness of the crimes cannot be denied, but she badly wanted to launch her saloon,” Tillothama says, before taking a long pause.
Discerning the psyche of this deeply flawed character is harder than, say, performing action sequences or being the subject of Shefali Shah’s unflinching gaze, Tillothama feels. “Yes, I wouldn’t say getting the action sequences is a walk in the park but I am more intrigued by the mental side of the performance than the physical.”
Having a support system is the key to it all, she reiterates. “I think when someone is under tremendous pressure and on the verge of committing a crime, you need support. When you don’t have that, it is hard. It is extremely hard. I have had my share of difficulties, but the privilege of having a great family, partner, and childhood helped me get through it. One definitely needs support to keep their sanity intact,” she signs off.
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